A Tribute To My Mom

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Great (Real) Headlines

From MSNBC.com:

• Disfigured bald eagle to get a bionic beak
• Rosie O’Donnell: ‘I don’t blame Miley’ for photo flap

From the Tri-City Herald:

• Burglar shocked with Taser trying to escape

That Time Of The Month

What (not) to say when your spouse is having "that time of the month":

Bad: Where's my dinner?
Good: What shall I fix for dinner?
Better: Where would you like to go for dinner?
Best: Here, have some chocolate.

Bad: Should you be eating that?
Good: Can I fix you a nice, healthy snack?
Better: Can I fix us a nice, healthy snack?
Best: Here, have some chocolate.

Bad: What did you DO all day?
Good: I hope you didn’t overwork today.
Better: Let me clean up around here.
Best: Here, have some chocolate.

Bad: What are you so upset about?
Bad: What did I do this time?
Bad: Is anything wrong?
Best: Here, have some chocolate.

Always best: When in doubt, don't blurt it out.

Tastes Like Chicken?

Baking With Mommy Cookbook

Still More Headlines

More headlines that caught my eye:

Laser detects diseases in your breath
- I already have laser breath.

Hungry moose go yard-to-yard for food
- I just liked this one. I imagine the moose going door to door with a hangdog expression.

Falling moose nearly takes out trooper
- It fell off a cliff. Good thing it wasn't an elephant.

Whole Foods 1Q profit falls 27 percent to $39.1 million, brought down by Wild Oats acquisition
- Wild Oats will do that.

Whole grains help deflate belly rolls
- Defeating the effect of jelly rolls?

New Urinals

When the Cisco Fitness Center replaced the old urinals with waterless urinals, I spent five minutes trying to flush one.

More Headlines

I love the headlines sometimes:

Dolly Parton postpones tour, blames breasts

Need a lure to the great outdoors? County has one word: yurts

Atheist Sees Image of Big Bang in Piece of Toast